His Despair
by zairaswift
Summary: Many words could describe Tsuna. Of them, the most common were weak, clumsy, pathetic and cowardly. He feared that terrible things would befall him, he feared what happened to those around him and he feared that his family would leave him. This is His Despair. (Unedited)


**Disclaimer: I do not own KHR.**

…

Many words could describe Tsuna. Of them, the most common were weak, clumsy, pathetic and cowardly. He may be what those words say about him, but something to note was that, yes, he was fearful. He did not dislike the world, rather than that, he feared it. He feared that terrible things would befall him, he feared what happened to those around him and he feared that his family would leave him.

His mother loved him more than he realised. There were downfalls to her own expectations of her son. He had such a bright smile as a child. She knew the other kids were bullying her child, yet she held no sort of power to prevent it. She tried different ways to get Tsuna smiling again. And hiring a tutor was the worst decision she had ever made.

...

Every day, he was reluctant to get out of bed. The mere thought of having a day where people continuously pestered him about his shitty grades and weak demeanour frustrated him to the core. It's not like he wanted to be this way. He had the dream anyone would want, to be the person you know to be strong and leading. New beginnings weren't his thing. When he went into middle school, it was no different to elementary. There were people who already knew him to be the most pitifully spineless and powerless student in existence to them.

He believed that whether the day of change would come, it could only be initiated by his own course of action. If so, then that day will never come.

Misery constantly plagued his mind. Were there others who suffered as much as him? Of course there were, but why did it seem like it was only him? It was as if he was the only one who was never given such a place in society. To be looked down on where ever he went, and, no matter whom, there was always someone to spit on him in disgust. And the one who was first to hurt him so much to do so, was Sasagawa Kyoko.

…

"Ciaossu, my name is Reborn and I am here to train you into the next Vongola mafia Boss," introduced the infant hitman.

"… Hello." His brown eyes met with the black pools of Reborn. It seemed that the boy seemed rather hopeful, as if he expected something from him. His mother's reaction to him was the same.

Reborn had come with the task to raise Tsuna into a fine mafia boss of the most influential and powerful famiglia. Although he was not initially aware of the situation of Tsuna, it was too risky to even try the Dying Will bullet. He was someone clearly mentally unstable and despite being the number one hitman in the world, he did not want anyone dying.

"Dame-Tsuna, we're going to work on those grades." The boy, originally rather wilful to work with him suddenly slumped – only the slightest, as if not allowing his proclaimed 'nick-name' to let him down.

After plenty of time observing the teenager, he then realised just how deep Tsuna had fell into distress. He did not have anyone to look up to, and at the rate his grades were going, he would not even consider going into high school. The presence of him discomforted the boy. It was possible to change Tsuna's perspective of those around him. Nothing was impossible. That is what Reborn once thought.

…

"Oi, if you like her that much, why not you go speak to her?" asked Reborn.

"Nah… she's out of my league," replied Tsuna calmly as he continued walking towards school. For once he had managed to get out of bed on time with Reborn's rather cruel yet helpful ways.

"Tch." It had only been a few days since he arrived at the Sawada household and with all the uncertainty in Tsuna's eyes, it was difficult for him to judge whether or not he was able to withstand the Dying Will bullet. It would test his own capabilities as the number one hitman and Tsuna's tutor.

"… I'll try…" said Tsuna. Surprised, Reborn watched from his position on the walls of the houses. As the brunette walked up to girl, a black haired boy came up to her and greeted Kyoko. Tsuna stopped, only for a second, but continued.

"Hello Sasagawa-san."

"Hi Sawada-kun, how are you today?" she replied with a smile, lifting some of his hopes.

"Ah-"

He was instantly cut off as the black haired teen shoved him back, causing him to stumble back.

"Fucking Dame-Tsuna, why do you bother getting close to Kyoko?"

"Mochida-san!" started Kyoko, "You can't-"

"I can't what, bitch?!" She instantly hesitated and looked down and back to Tsuna. Mochida glared at Tsuna and promptly thrusted a kick at his chest, knocking all the air out of him making him cough and keel over on the floor.

Some part of him wished that Kyoko would fight back, against the other teen. Another part of him expected her to just walk away before things got ugly. Reborn came out from his hiding place.

"Do you want to change this?" asked Reborn.

"No."

...

When he arrived at school, he was called to the principal's office. There were many who whispered behind his back, this time he swore the entire school was. He was not usually this attentive but it bothered him and he couldn't help it. Reborn noticed this as well.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi, do you know why you are in trouble?" he asked solemnly. He shook his head. "I don't believe it as well. Please come forward, Sasagawa Kyoko."

The familiar honey brown haired girl stepped forward from behind him. She did not seem happy like her usual self.

"She claims that you sexually assaulted her this morning."

His eyes widened. What was this fabrication? It wasn't credible. Was this the result of just trying to _speak_ to her? Is it really so that, everything he even tried to do, would have such a penalty?

"I didn't sexually assault her."

"There were witnesses." How could the principal know if they were lying? There was only Kyoko, him, Mochida and Reborn- if he even counted.

"Would that be Mochida?" he asked.

"Some students were on their way to school when they saw you pin her against the wall and… continue to do _things_."

Tsuna turned to Kyoko. "Is it Mochida?" She did not answer.

"This has nothing to do with Mochida, Sawada. As I was saying, some students saw you-"

"Is it Mochida?" he asked again, desperate for an answer. She looked away.

"Sawada, I will tell you once again… Mochida has nothing to do with this. Sasagawa made the claim herself, and it was held truth from the witnesses."

Silent, he looked into Kyoko's eyes. The emotion she held against him was all too familiar. The only words to describe it were disbelief and exhaustion. He wondered why. But decided not to think any further or he'd distraught himself. The principal cleared his throat to gain back his attention.

"She has been kind enough to only give a warning to you. Should there ever be a next time, it is highly likely that you will be expelled."

Huh.

They were dismissed and returned to class together. They did not speak nor did they look at each other. The only similar thing between them was that they both looked down.

Murmurs and mumbling were heard as they entered the classroom. The teacher had a look of disgust. Whether the teacher, Nezu, was disliked by the school's students or not, they had to agree how fucking disgusting Sawada Tsunayoshi was.

Kyoko rushed over to her friend, Hana, almost about to cry. Tsuna swallowed back a choke of frustration. He sat himself down at his desk. Class did not resume until a few minutes later from the quiet sobbing coming from their school idol - the comfort of other classmates that had never been felt by Tsuna. Why did no one ask him about his side of the story? Did no one believe him because he was the _scum of the earth_? Yeah, that's probably why. That _was_ why.

The rest of the class kept glancing at him. Each time and every single time, Tsuna could see them look at him with such hateful eyes. He sunk into his seat and desperately waited for the bell to signify the end of the school day to come.

…

 _Hey Kyoko, why did you have to do it?_

…

Nana temporarily banned Reborn from entering Tsuna's room for the next few days after the incident. Obviously, as his parent, she was told of what happened. She did not believe it herself.

The boy managed to shut himself inside his room as soon as he got home. Occasionally, he would come out of his room to grab some water, food or go to the toilet.

The next morning, Nana told Tsuna to go get the newspaper from outside. Just as he went outside, he overheard the neighbours talking away about him.

"You know that Sawada's son raped a helpless girl?"

"What?! No way!"

"I knew that woman with her deceiving smiles wasn't nice. I bet that's why her son became that way."

Tsuna grabbed the newspaper from the mailbox and went back inside, putting it on the table and rushed back upstairs.

His mother was not like that. It was not her fault. She had tried so hard to raise him and make him happy. Her efforts were not unnoticed by him but he couldn't help but feel that it was all hopeless for her to try. And that was when he realised that he didn't want his mother to regret him for ever being born.

"Reborn… I think it's best if you go back to where you have come from," said Nana, "unless you don't have a home, you are welcome to stay here but as you can see, Tsuna's condition isn't very good."

"I have come here with a job, and I cannot leave until I have completed it," replied Reborn. She sighed.

"If that is so, do what you must," she said and paused. "However, I will not forgive you should Tsuna deteriorate because of you."

Fear. Reborn could sense it. It was when a mother knew she was going to lose a son due to her own incompetence, although it was not entirely her fault.

Reborn, being Reborn, went into Tsuna's room and kicked him out of bed.

"A Vongola Boss should always think about what to next and act on it."

"Reborn, you don't need to tell me it again," said Tsuna rubbing the spot in his back where Reborn kicked him.

"Then go to school."

"What use is it going to do?" replied Tsuna calmly, slowly bottling up the rising anger. "My uniform, my indoor shoes, my lunch, they're all going to be taken away and then thrown. I can't afford to keep getting another when it's just going to be ruined again."

"I'll ask you again, do you want to change this?"

He didn't reply.

…

That day he managed to get to class on time with Reborn's aid. Tsuna could see how the infant looking hitman get agitated at his ways. He couldn't help it if he couldn't do anything for himself, not that anyone else could help him directly or when he actually needed it.

The moment he got in to the school, he was pulled away by a group of bullies. They stripped him from his uniform trashing it somewhere and literally was carried and then thrown into the girls' toilets. The door that he crashed through hurt his back and all the females in the toilet shrieked. Some giggled and took pictures, instantly labelling him as a pervert.

One of the teachers saw the incident but was unable to calm the situation, thus, led to 'Perverted Tsuna.' He was given a spare PE uniform and his bag was magically found and returned. His uniform, as expected was ruined, cut to shreds.

Every time someone saw him, they sneered and smirked. He was unable to interfere, Reborn, as an onlooker, could not take action. But then, he had an idea.

"Class, we're sorry but your teacher has left temporarily as he is sick. As a replacement, we will be having Reboyama as your temporary teacher."

Tsuna, hearing a similar name looked up from his desk seeing the tiny figure stand on top of the teacher's podium.

"Ciaossu, my name is Reboyama and I will be teaching you."

Some of the girls were fawning over his rather cutesy appearance and the boys were already complaining about whether he could actually teach.

"How can you even teach? I bet you don't even know your alphabet yet," mocked one. A piece of chalk flew across the room and hit the middle of his forehead. No hitman misses his target, you see. The class instantly shut up and so Reboyama resumed class.

"Someone tell me the average of blahblahblah."

"What?! That's not what we've been learning." Que, another piece of flying chalk. This time, it left a bright red mark.

"Sawada, why don't you tell us?" asked Reborn.

"I bet Dame-Tsuna will know. Hey Tsuna, tell us the answer!" said one stupid boy. The males in the class started chanting his name and the females giggled and the idiotic ones frowned.

He started to shake. Did he have to answer? This was Reborn. He knew the answer. Reborn had explained a few times more than he liked and so he knew the answer. He breathed heavily for a few moments and the class quietened to allow him answer whether or not he knew the answer.

"Haha, cat got your tongue?"

"I-I don't kn-know the answer…" he finally said.

 _You idiot, why didn't you say the answer?_ Thought Reborn as he clicked his tongue. The entire class erupted into laughter. Despite being the greatest hitman in the world, the class of cunts would not stop mocking Tsuna. It was easy to pull out a gun and just fire it, yeah? Because of the restriction of pulling out a gun, Reborn was helpless to the incessant mockery and Tsuna was unable to stop uncontrollably shaking.

…

 _Hey Reborn, did you know this was going to happen?_

…

Long after the class had left for home, it seemed that Tsuna was ushered along too. Reborn, thinking the boy had gone ahead to go home in a hurry went home only to find a distressed Nana.

"Re-Reborn! Do you know where Tsuna is?" she asked frantically.

"I thought he was already home."

"I-I'll go check outside…" She barely was able to stand without falling over.

"It's getting dark, I'll go," said Reborn and went back out.

The streets of Namimori were empty. He knew that. Leon was able to transform into a heat radar. Most people were already going home or at home. Maximizing his chances of find Tsuna, he realised something was off. Perhaps he was caught again by the bullies at school? He felt that his theory was not far off.

Roaming the floors of Namimori Middle, with his heat radar Leon, there were two other people in the school with him. One was highly likely to be Tsuna and the other was probably a night guard. He went to the one closest to him first. The other one seemed to be moving towards him so he quickened his pace and arrived at a janitor's closet.

 _Just what the fuck did you get yourself into this time?_

Reborn quickly busted the door lock and opened it in a hurry. He found Tsuna, not half naked this time, but beaten and drenched with, considering the stench, dirty cleaning water. His hands were tied back with a school tie and his mouth was duck taped shut. His eyes were shut from pure exhaustion and pain. There was no way he could carry him back like this.

He unbound Tsuna's hands and removed the duck-tape swiftly, causing him to wake. Tsuna winced in pain from the delayed reaction and started coughing up something dark. Reborn presumed it to be blood.

Sensing the coming danger, Reborn quickly blocked the blows from behind. He was met with a taller figure.

"Baby, why are you here?" growled the person. The infamous demon of the school. Great. The black haired teen looked at the beaten and bruised brown haired teen who was in the janitor's closet. He eventually figured what happened, knowing about the situation with 'Dame Tsuna.'

"I will let you off this one time," said the teen. He lifted Tsuna and slung him over his shoulder.

"Lead me to his home." Reborn nodded and led Hibari Kyoya to Sawada Tsunayoshi's home.

…

 _Hey Hibari-san, was it me who only cared?_

…

Tsuna awoke on his bed. His wounds had been treated.

"The boy from yesterday was kind enough to treat them and change your clothes," said Nana, her eyes still red from the other day.

"…"

"I already prepared the bath," she continued. She left his room. Tsuna collected himself and went to the bathroom to take a bath.

The steam rised and it calmed his nerves. Peeling off the sweat covered clothes, he stepped into the bath, disregarding the stinging pain of his wounds. Most of them were bruises however some had cuts from the edges of shoes and nails.

He sank into the warmth of the bath and slowly scrubbed away at dirty patches and dried blood.

He didn't even notice his own tears mixing into the bath's water.

…

It was a full hour until he emerged from the bathroom. Some of the bandages were rebound and medicine was reapplied. It was also still broad daylight.

Nana was preparing lunch when knocking came from their front door.

"Hello?" There was a silver haired teen with green eyes stood there with a permanent frown.

"Ah, is this the Sawada household?" Nana, still rather cautious of him because of his delinquent appearance did not answer immediately. She smiled warmly as she would with anyone.

"Yes and what brings you here?"

"I'm looking for Reborn."

It was a surprise, of course, that he would be looking for Reborn. If it was not Tsuna, she could assure that he would mean no harm. Reborn on the other hand, she knew he had many acquaintances, perhaps not a foreigner.

"Welcome then. He should be upstairs in the room on your left."

"Thank you."

"You are also welcome to join for lunch," said Nana, "it should be done soon." The teen said it was unnecessary but she insisted and so he was forced to stay for lunch.

As the silverette went up the stairs, he could hear shuffling in the room. He knocked on the door and was allowed entry by a rather raspy voice that he knew was no Reborn.

"Reborn, about the Vong-" he started and abruptly stopped when he eyed the one standing in front of him. He had dishevelled and gravity defying brown hair, warm, yet void, brown eyes and was bandaged in various places and leaned to one side as if his other leg was in pain. He wore a loose t-shirt and long pants.

"Gokudera Hayato. I told you not to directly come _here,_ " growled Reborn. Gokudera, being the calculative being he was, quickly understood the reason why Reborn didn't want him to come. His will to even fight or test him had disappeared. It wasn't because he looked weak but it was that he wouldn't make it far as the Vongola Boss, especially if he was like… _this._

"I know what you are thinking, and I have been trying to change that," stated Reborn.

"Um… who are you?" he asked.

"I'm an acquaintance of Reborn-sama. I have come to Japan to defeat you and become the Vongola Boss."

"Then defeat me and become the boss. You know I'm in competent," said Tsuna and then turned to Reborn, "sorry Reborn, but it's true and whatever you say about being the number one hitman, I don't think you can change that without killing me in the process."

There was a deathly silence between all three of them before Nana called them all downstairs for lunch. As the trio went downstairs, the awkward silence continued. Tsuna, barely eating anything thanked Nana for the food and left. Gokudera, quickly finished up and followed him.

"Hey, if we really have to do this, let's go outside," said Tsuna. Gokudera nodded and followed Tsuna as he went out the front door.

"I'll be back soon mum. We just kinda need to sort things out…" said Tsuna.

"I will bring him back safe," reassured Reborn.

"You better do that," she replied with a grimace.

…

"How much further?" asked Gokudera. He started to grow impatient.

"Not much more."

They were in the busy district of Namimori but then somehow ended up in a secluded area. It was as if only Tsuna knew about it.

"Okay… so how do we do this?" questioned Tsuna.

"… I, Hurricane Bomb Hayato, will become the next Vongola Boss should I defeat you." He lit up a few sticks of dynamite held between his fingers and aimed them at Tsuna. Reborn watched as Tsuna actually scrambled to avoid the incoming explosion, sometimes almost slipping and falling over due to his clumsiness. If he was actually trying… he could risk the Dying Will bullet.

He continued to watch as Gokudera actually was starting to struggle, but then so was Tsuna. His breath was ragged and seemed like he could barely stand. Thinking it would be Tsuna's defeat, Gokudera had to make sure and managed to pull out triple the amount of dynamites, however it was more than he could handle. Tsuna, realising the silverette's mistake, picked up speed and dashed forward, leaping and grabbing him by the waist pulling him with him, away from the dynamites.

After the explosions, Gokudera started to profusely apologise and saying how he was incorrect about how unworthy he was of the title Vongola Decimo. And after countlessly forgiving him, Tsuna, Gokudera and Reborn started to make their way back. Reborn started to think that maybe Tsuna really had a chance. Maybe this was the start. Perhaps Tsuna was finally ready to make a change.

They were about to cross a street when Tsuna stumbled forward as he felt giddy. Everyone almost had a heart attack when a car sped past him. Tsuna quickly moved on, towards Gokudera and semi side hugged him.

Slightly flustered at sudden contact of comfort, he pushed Tsuna back a bit and, to their horror, time almost stopped milliseconds before Tsuna was then struck by a speeding truck that missed the red light for vehicles.

Screams of horror filled the air, shock claimed Gokudera's body, unable for him to move and Reborn, a moment too slow.

The red blood flowed from the unmoving lifeless body alarmed them. The ambulance was called and Nana was notified. She had rushed over to her son, bawling her eyes out saying how sorry she was. She forgave Gokudera who never knew this would happen. She forgave Reborn who promised to protect her Tsuna. At this current moment and time, Tsuna was still alive. He was alive although not in a fully stable condition. All they could do now was hope.

…

" _Tsuna."_

 _He looked around him as he saw the golden haired figured walk towards him. He was lying in a pool of his own blood. It felt sickly hot and freezing at the same time._

" _I'm sorry I can't help you directly," he said, "after all… you don't, yet, have the ring."_

 _The figure lent his hand and Tsuna managed to grasp it and was pulled up with great yet comforting power._

" _I'll keep bringing you back." He was enveloped with a warm orange light._

" _No matter what, even if you are going to die." Something felt missing._

" _I may be your how-many-great grandfather…" So he was related to him?_

" _But this is not yet time." He did want to die… perhaps not like this… but it seemed like an ok choice. It was rather painless in his mind._

" _And you_ _ **will**_ _lead Vongola and create great things." Will he?_

" _And so, that is why I will bring you back every single time. Whether you like it or not." …_

He opened his eyes, now glowing, and a warm orange flame that lit up on his forehead that neither burnt his skin nor his hair. He felt strangely calm. But, for now, he had to sleep. The flame dissipated and he closed his eyes and breathed gently as he fell into a deep slumber.

…

This ugliness, this cruelty, this repulsiveness… It will all die out, and now, I cry for all that is beautiful.

–Lyrics from Fellow Feeling by Porter Robinson

…

 **I hope you enjoyed reading. I enjoyed, yet didn't enjoy, writing it, since I've been pretty sad. It will depend, whether this is continued. I am stuck with the stories I said to be continuing. Haha.**

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **Zaira Swift.**


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